THE SOURCES OF NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
THE SOURCES OF NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
There are four basic causes of negative emotions. According to the Russian philosopher Peter Ouspensky, in his book In Search of the Miraculous, these are: (1) justification; (2) identification, (3) inward considering, and (4) blame. The greatest leap forward in changing your thinking and changing your life will take place when you systematically eliminate all four of these causes of negative emotions from your life.
STOP JUSTIFYING
Justification is what you do when you rationalize or create a reason for your anger and unhappiness.You tell yourself, and whoever else will listen, how badly you were treated and how dreadfully the other person behaved. You continually rehash the situation in your mind.You repeat all the reasons you have for being upset. Each time you think of the person or situation, you become angry.You feel entitled to your anger, as if you have paid a high price for it, especially since, in your estimation, you were such a good and virtuous person.
The way you short-circuit the natural tendency toward justification and rationalization is by refusing to engage in it. Instead, you stop justifying.You use your marvelous mind to think of reasons not to justify your negative emotions. Remember, your negative emotions do you no good. They are totally destructive. They do not affect the other person or change the situation. They simply undermine your happiness and self-confidence, making you weaker and less effective in other areas of your life.
Instead of justifying your anger and unhappiness, you should use your intelligence and imagination to excuse the other person, or to let go of the unhappy situation. For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic, instead of becoming angry, you say,''Well, I'd better be more careful next time,'' ''I guess he is having a bad day,'' or ''He must be late for an important appointment.''
MAKE EXCUSES FOR OTHERS
Since your mind can hold only one thought at a time, the instant you start excusing the other person you withdraw the energy or fuel that the negative emotions of anger and resentment require to get going and stay burning.You reassert your mental control. You keep yourself calm and positive. In a little while, the situation passes and you forget all about it. By substituting a positive thought for a negative thought, you get rid of the negative emotion, whatever it is.
If you have a major life problem, such as a divorce, a lost job, or a failed investment, the same rule holds true. Stop telling yourself (and anyone who will listen) why you are entitled to be angry or unhappy. Instead, make excuses for the other person each time you think about the situation until the negativity dies away. When the fire of negative emotion goes out, you can then turn your attention to something positive.
One of the most important rules for success and happiness is, ''Don't be upset or worry about something that you can't do anything about.'' Don't criticize anyone for something that the person cannot change. A famous law says, ''If there is no solution, there is no problem.''
TWO TIME PERIODS
There are two time periods in life, the past and the future. The present is only a brief, fleeting moment. You can choose to focus your attention on what has happened, which cannot be changed, or on the future, on what is possible, over which you have some control.
Many people spend most of their emotional energies being upset and angry about events that occurred in the past. Unfortunately, this energy is completely wasted. Nothing good can come of constantly complaining about the past. Even worse, the negative emotions kept alive by reliving past events rob you of the joy and excitement that you could experience by thinking about future possibilities.
LET IT GO
A psychiatrist with more than 25 years' experience working with unhappy people wrote that the two most common words he heard in his practice were the words ''if only.'' It seemed that most unhappy people are held back by some event that occurred in the past that they cannot let go of. They are still resentful, angry, or depressed over something that someone did or did not do or say.They are angry with one or both parents, a sibling, a previous relationship or marriage, a boss or business relationship, a failed investment or financial mistake.
The fact is that your life will be a continuous series of problems, difficulties, setbacks, and temporary failures. These unexpected and unwanted reversals and disappointments are a normal, natural, and unavoidable fact of growing up.To change your thinking and change your life, you must make a decision to get over them and to get on with your life, no matter what happened. Until you do, you remain a slave to the past, which cannot be changed in any case. Make a decision today that, from now on, you are going to eliminate all the ''if only's'' from your life.
There are four basic causes of negative emotions. According to the Russian philosopher Peter Ouspensky, in his book In Search of the Miraculous, these are: (1) justification; (2) identification, (3) inward considering, and (4) blame. The greatest leap forward in changing your thinking and changing your life will take place when you systematically eliminate all four of these causes of negative emotions from your life.
STOP JUSTIFYING
Justification is what you do when you rationalize or create a reason for your anger and unhappiness.You tell yourself, and whoever else will listen, how badly you were treated and how dreadfully the other person behaved. You continually rehash the situation in your mind.You repeat all the reasons you have for being upset. Each time you think of the person or situation, you become angry.You feel entitled to your anger, as if you have paid a high price for it, especially since, in your estimation, you were such a good and virtuous person.
The way you short-circuit the natural tendency toward justification and rationalization is by refusing to engage in it. Instead, you stop justifying.You use your marvelous mind to think of reasons not to justify your negative emotions. Remember, your negative emotions do you no good. They are totally destructive. They do not affect the other person or change the situation. They simply undermine your happiness and self-confidence, making you weaker and less effective in other areas of your life.
Instead of justifying your anger and unhappiness, you should use your intelligence and imagination to excuse the other person, or to let go of the unhappy situation. For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic, instead of becoming angry, you say,''Well, I'd better be more careful next time,'' ''I guess he is having a bad day,'' or ''He must be late for an important appointment.''
MAKE EXCUSES FOR OTHERS
Since your mind can hold only one thought at a time, the instant you start excusing the other person you withdraw the energy or fuel that the negative emotions of anger and resentment require to get going and stay burning.You reassert your mental control. You keep yourself calm and positive. In a little while, the situation passes and you forget all about it. By substituting a positive thought for a negative thought, you get rid of the negative emotion, whatever it is.
If you have a major life problem, such as a divorce, a lost job, or a failed investment, the same rule holds true. Stop telling yourself (and anyone who will listen) why you are entitled to be angry or unhappy. Instead, make excuses for the other person each time you think about the situation until the negativity dies away. When the fire of negative emotion goes out, you can then turn your attention to something positive.
One of the most important rules for success and happiness is, ''Don't be upset or worry about something that you can't do anything about.'' Don't criticize anyone for something that the person cannot change. A famous law says, ''If there is no solution, there is no problem.''
TWO TIME PERIODS
There are two time periods in life, the past and the future. The present is only a brief, fleeting moment. You can choose to focus your attention on what has happened, which cannot be changed, or on the future, on what is possible, over which you have some control.
Many people spend most of their emotional energies being upset and angry about events that occurred in the past. Unfortunately, this energy is completely wasted. Nothing good can come of constantly complaining about the past. Even worse, the negative emotions kept alive by reliving past events rob you of the joy and excitement that you could experience by thinking about future possibilities.
LET IT GO
A psychiatrist with more than 25 years' experience working with unhappy people wrote that the two most common words he heard in his practice were the words ''if only.'' It seemed that most unhappy people are held back by some event that occurred in the past that they cannot let go of. They are still resentful, angry, or depressed over something that someone did or did not do or say.They are angry with one or both parents, a sibling, a previous relationship or marriage, a boss or business relationship, a failed investment or financial mistake.
The fact is that your life will be a continuous series of problems, difficulties, setbacks, and temporary failures. These unexpected and unwanted reversals and disappointments are a normal, natural, and unavoidable fact of growing up.To change your thinking and change your life, you must make a decision to get over them and to get on with your life, no matter what happened. Until you do, you remain a slave to the past, which cannot be changed in any case. Make a decision today that, from now on, you are going to eliminate all the ''if only's'' from your life.
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